Dealing with kids who want to quit
My ex-wife called me up the other day and tells me I need to talk to my son. I said what is this about? She said he doesn’t want to cooperate and I think you’re the only person that can get through to him. I said fine put him on. Luckily I have been sharpening my parenting skills.
Once he was on the phone I asked him what seems to be going on my man? My son explain to me let’s call him Joey, dad my coach remove me from my position on the football team.
He said I need to play a different position and it’s a totally boring position. I was tight end and I loved it. So, I’ve decided that I probably should just leave the team and play for a different team.
Oh yeah? I asked.
Yeah all my friends say that I’m actually a little bit too big for the team and I need to go ahead and move up. I just think that I would be smaller on the new team and I would have more opportunity. I’m so big that the coach wants to use me for a totally boring position. Most likely I won’t see the ball all season long.
So I said to him. Son, there are two types of mindsets out there. Do you know about them? He responded no.
The first mindset is a be good mindset.
Do you know what that is? He said no.
I responded a big good mentality is the type of mentality that most people walk around with. They’re constantly comparing themselves to other people and they want to prove that they’re good. It would approve the good at something where they have a good talent something that’s worthwhile.
This mindset creates a scenario that you couldn’t typically lose in. Assuming your talents aren’t good enough, then you will feel inferior. Rather than excepting your talents the way they are you will constantly try to compare yourself to others. The problem is is when you come up short and you have this type of mentality then you’re probably going to quit.
The reason for this is because you come to the conclusion (since you have no alternative) that you just aren’t good at something. The reality is is that you could become great at it. But you make a judgment based on the fact that you’re not as good as the next person.
Son the Second type of mentality or mindset is the get better mindset.
This is the mindset that most pro athletes have. The way it works is they are always in competition only with themselves. They don’t want to prove anything to anyone except themselves. Their focus is simply on getting better every day than they were the previous day previous week previous month previous year
As long as they see progress they are happy. When you have this mindset and encourages you to excel at whatever you put your mind to.
It has actually been scientifically proven that people under this mindset will be more creative, more productive and work much better under pressure or failure then the first group.
So I could let you go ahead and change teams, but I would be hurting you in the long run. Because I would be taking away this one opportunity for you to understand how to respond in the face of adversity.
When I was a kid I was in a similar situation and I asked my mother to bill me out of the situation. I was an exchange student with YFU. She refused to do it because she felt like if she did she would allow me to quit in the face adversity. She would remove me from one of life’s let most important lessons. So, with that said I can’t encourage you to move teams.
I encourage you to adopt a new mindset. One that will allow you to consider that it’s really not how good you are right now compared to everybody else, rather, it is your ability to stick with it and become better every day.
With that he agreed to stay on the team.